1.18.2005
okie.. blogging time again..
just gt invitation to my junior class blog today.. might go spam later. muhahah :D
anyway, slight update.. school is okay.. but getting routine again.. work, eat, cca, home. nothing really out of blue..
one note must be made of my new econs tutor, mr. koh. quite a cool guy, with us being his only class. he was saying smtg like personal attention for essay writing. -_-" but i'm very glad to have him, as in this way, econs would be taken off :) wont disappoint him~
realise that things r indeed much much more different from the past year. it has evolved, and not necesasrily in the good sense from my POV. but i'm glad that i've been able to practice more tolerance of many many things. i see many many things.. but i choose not to say, not to comment, but it still bothers me. sometimes, the littlest of actions, body language, body direction, eye contact signals a lot to me.. somehow, i feel that my eyes are kept perfect for a reason.. to observe n to register. but to comment/question remains the function of my mouth, which i have a very poor control over.
been met wif many rather disappoinitng series of events, things that really make one lose faith in the frenship, events that just leave u wondering whether the people involved were ever interested in the frenship, the bond u felt n the feel u ever just simply evapourated. when putting in the effort to attempt to make things warm again, ice is shot back readily. it just make one feel so gutted in the heart...
n when it's from a majority aspect of one's life.. it can get real demoralising.. from CCAs, from class, from others... it just makes one shut off from them, but yet u have to face them, talk to them, feeling the shallowness and chill of the talk, which was once heart to heart and warm.
i cant do much but adopt a passive attitude towards such situations... active efforts been put in for so long... n when nothing significant comes back in return, it just feels like a very hard slap to the face. maybe i'm just too gullible.. too readily to help others and be kind n nice to them..
yet if i deny myself this flame of emotion when i feel cold enuff, i fear that it would eventually freeze over... slowly, i feel the blizzard descending, where would be my warmbringer in the face of the snow?
yet to not deny, it would only open up to more disappointments... though have harden myself to it, buy when they come in combos, it seriously take much out of me...
so now.. will adopt a much more passive attitude in the future..
i have a limited amount of blood to bleed out.
Sculpted@11:25 pm
