i'll be off to Germany in about 3 hours time from now. will be there for 10 days and be back around the 7th. it's some insance idea of mine to go for a history trip. yeah.. i still cant really think of why i want to go? maybe it's just to relax a bit.. and then refresh myself for the stupid block test mugging?
the only thing i hope for on the aircraft is to get a window seat. i love window seats :) there's the clouds, n sun (very strong) n a nice view from the top. the only bad thing is getting out and stretching.. coz it's kinda constricted in the corner seat.
then on the trip, i'll be snapping pics like mad. digicam rocks. then would keep a written diary as well, so that can come back n write abt it. oso, my dads wants a written account of the trip as well, for some unknown reasons.
also, have limited funds only.. but have to quite a lot of buying as well. shall see how.. nasty exchange rate :(
will be back soon :)

Sculpted@6:33 pm

my comp is fixed n running.. apparently, just a small glitch in hard-disk.. i gt 2 anyways, so just discard the spolit one.. gt thing no info inside..
but this leads me to want to back-up my data somewhere.. been thinking abt a mobile disk.. but doesnt seem too feasible.. probably.. junk it away in some online storage box or wat. the thing that i most afraid of losing is all the pictures i have in my comp.. compiled since my sec. school days. simply one look at any one, i feel a deluge of emotions n memories flooding through my mind. when i took it, wif who, wat was my emotions then, my thots of that person/people, etc.. be it gd or be it bad, it still makes up an integral part of my life n experience..
that if i lose, i cannot never recover..

Sculpted@11:20 pm

my comp just have hard-disk failure.. according to my brother.. sigh.. all my pictures i have collected over the years.. i hope it would be still somehow retrievable.. but hard-disks r such fragile things :(
using my bro's laptop now.. :(

Sculpted@11:29 pm

my age old speakers have finally failed. the mp3 is currently being played thru the left only.. making it feel very imbalanced. often in the past, i've attempted to repair the speakers by shaking, pulling, twisting the connection ports of the speakers. so now that after struggling wif it for 20 mins, it still is failing, i decided to give up. btw, my comp speakers r kinda DIY, so have a few connection wires n points. so shall continue to keep up wif this loop-sided-ness.

went for the europe tour briefing.. i began to have a tinge of regret of going alone.. it seems that the other "frens" that is oso going doesnt seem too dependable for companionship.. hrmm.. shall bring a whole chunk of books to read n relax.. some bloody time off from tutorials.
it kinda moderately pisses me off by attitude at times.. seems that she doesnt take things seriously.. only gt interest then come talk or wat.. i mean such things r a 2-way street. (okay.. i kinda like this phrase) so well, live with it i have to then.. especially on the trip there
but other than that, i'm looking forward to go europe! it's a dream come true.. but somehow the tour agency pple seem to paint a damm gloomy picture abt there.. like it's totally nt safe at all.. etc. but i shall of coz be on my guard.. but will relax myself :)

Sculpted@9:09 pm

i just read my soccer teammate's blog for the 1st time. i realise that his blog is very truthful and carrys a very direct tone and style. carrying his heart on his sleeve. and this greatly contrasts out my blog and myself which often always have an indirect mention to people and subtle feelings... hoping people would take note of it? maybe it just that i'm afraid of showing out my true feelings all out in plain words. whenever i tell someone smtg close abt me, my heart always skips a beat. for wat reason i dont know.. i just somehow have a slight inherent guard for things.. and when things go wrong, i would turtle myself up and be rather spiteful. this is rather hard to overcome. And makes myself unbelievable that i sometimes wonder where would that one person that i can really talk, when the fault mostly lies with me... i've always believe that such things r a 2-way street. so sometimes when i feel that it suddenly become one way traffic, i would get rather pissed and raise my guard... oh well.. just another queer point abt me.

i oso realised that i rarely or nvr mention names in my blog. it's always a "he/she". hrmm.. maybe it's self-censorship? or wat? i dont know... but i nvr feel safe to reveal names.. it seems like a gigantic magnet for trouble and issues.. yet never had i met with any of such problems in the 1st place.. so is it a case of pointless defence?
well this prompts me to kinda think things over.. maybe shall alter my blogging style a bit, one baby step at a time.

Sculpted@11:20 pm

Why am i so affected by you?
Regardless of how much i tell myself not to see,
i still do register every movement, look n word.
Yet, sometimes i'm afraid to face you...
courage seems to falter at the critical moment..
i just dont know wat to do or say in front of you.
But the aura of you around seems to bear on me.
Half my mind daydreams.. yet i know so little.
I want to know more.. but how to?
Somehow i always been hopeful of things,
but reality is indeed perssimistic.
Sometimes i wish it will be out of sight, out of mind
yet it seems i'll have to continue with this.

Sculpted@12:31 am

brief update 1st.
went for my army check-up. gt Pes B. which i'm okay abt.. but i think i might have did well for the computer tests, so moderately sastified. however, must say that the pple in army really have big attitudes. the speak in a politically correct but super arrogant n offensive tone. wonder wat's the cause.. anyway, army seems to deprive guys of women or wat.. there's this guy at the counter, eye-ing EVERY SINGLE girl that walked past... hrmm.. even 10 yrs of boy's school cant do that to u.. but enuff of my preview into army life.

won the scrabble comp wif my cls mates. they r really PRO.. but anyway, for all the effort gt like 10 bucks worth of kino voucher. dont think that i'm complaining, i'm quite glad wif the prize!however, gt quite a lot of pple eye-ing that voucher leh... there's my ex-econ tr n gp tr inclusive in the list. so maybe shall give it away soon.. i dont know what to spend it on anyways..

somehow i'm living each week by week. just completing tutorials to meet deadlines.. procrastinating whenever possible.. but i'm really looking forward to the europe trip! only down side is that i dont really know anybody else going.. so it's more of a personal relaxation tour.. i need a little time away from all the stuff. balancing things.. sensing subtlety.. sigh... wonder why some pple just naturally can do all these w/o fail or effort. but in the clauses set by my dad, once i'm back, i have to do a lot of work in order to achieve the desired results. so be it then.

i find it real hard to keep a conversation going nowadays.. be it online, face 2 face or wat... words just do not flow.. sometimes if i talk too much, i'll sound overbearing or wat.. if i dont talk, n he/she doesnt talk as well, then it's so... ... sigh... wonder y in the past my mum had to force me off the comp to prevent me from chatting too late into the night.. nowadays, she need not.. it's just me n myself online.. maybe that occassional msg here n there, for some official matter.
talking to pple now seems so much of a trial.

Sculpted@11:34 pm

Look at you, you are so beautiful.
I wished you would be here with me.

We could walk the beach together, listening calmly to the waves.
We could also be covered by the blanket of stars on a clear night
gazing at such a wonderous sight which you are the star.
The forest would be pacifiying and quietly sensual for us as well.
At the summit of the hill, the breeze and sight of you would simply take my breadth away.
All these would only serve to further enhance your radiance and smile.
Your companionship and laughter is invaluable and is the sole beacon of life in the face of overwhelming darkness. The mere thought of you and your gracefulness would demand the treatment of a princess, which I would try my best to give you. More importantly, the presence of you would grant me an aura of motivation and hard work.
You would simply be a crucial integral part of my life.

Look at you, you are so beautiful.

Sculpted@11:59 pm