5.17.2005
i just read my soccer teammate's blog for the 1st time. i realise that his blog is very truthful and carrys a very direct tone and style. carrying his heart on his sleeve. and this greatly contrasts out my blog and myself which often always have an indirect mention to people and subtle feelings... hoping people would take note of it? maybe it just that i'm afraid of showing out my true feelings all out in plain words. whenever i tell someone smtg close abt me, my heart always skips a beat. for wat reason i dont know.. i just somehow have a slight inherent guard for things.. and when things go wrong, i would turtle myself up and be rather spiteful. this is rather hard to overcome. And makes myself unbelievable that i sometimes wonder where would that one person that i can really talk, when the fault mostly lies with me... i've always believe that such things r a 2-way street. so sometimes when i feel that it suddenly become one way traffic, i would get rather pissed and raise my guard... oh well.. just another queer point abt me.
i oso realised that i rarely or nvr mention names in my blog. it's always a "he/she". hrmm.. maybe it's self-censorship? or wat? i dont know... but i nvr feel safe to reveal names.. it seems like a gigantic magnet for trouble and issues.. yet never had i met with any of such problems in the 1st place.. so is it a case of pointless defence?
well this prompts me to kinda think things over.. maybe shall alter my blogging style a bit, one baby step at a time.
Sculpted@11:20 pm
