10.15.2005
b4 i start nicely, i must first talk about the beloved SAF/MINDEF. while almost all my guy frens around me are getting their enlistment letters for jan, me has no green letter. it's true wat my bro says, SAF NEVER gives u wat u want. for me, the true reason i want to get in there early is that simply i would not have to worry abt 3 months of nothing to do.. loneliness has been a new companion in recent times, and i must say that it's really new to me. ever since i could remember, i always been involved in some form of activity here n there... but the only way to convince myself now is that studying is also an worthwhile activity. no doubt it's necessary, but i sometimes just feel blur n empty with nothing but books in front of me. oh well.. so anyway, to go army early would save me the trouble of finding activites to idle time away... and would chase away much idleness.
3 more weeks to A's. Considering my dismal prelim grades, i think i would need much much miracles to get sastifactory results. but one thing kinda moralising. last day of school, VP showed us this list of pple shooting insanely high from prelim to A's. sure did gave me a lift :)
apparently, last day in my JC was concluded on friday. no picture taken, no farewell notes, no sense of attachment? i find it grossly contradictory. though i nvr had really gd frens in my sec. school, i felt slightly attached to it... remembering things unique from cat. high. e.g. daily routine of removing n re-attaching the 7 metal buttons. however, in hc, though i have much more gd frens, i don't feel attached to the institution itself. just that when i do go back, i just hope to see my frens.
i'm just feel v.glad at times when i know that i have made many more gd frens that i ever i did in 2 years, than in the previous 16. though i had to paid certain "sacrifices", which i'm quite sure some could have been avoided. but that be history. but sometimes, stimulus would appear out of nowhere, and remind me of the past. it was fantastic to re-live the memories, but sadness would follow after. sadness from realising the fact that memories would stay memories and would never happen again. sadness from see-ing things degenerate to depths, previously thot impossible. the only way to salvage is by taking them as gd memories and invaluable lessons, nothing more.
Sculpted@10:00 pm
