4.09.2006
the luxury of attend C, ie SAF's MC.
been home since thursday evening, thnx to a chalazion on my left eye lid. gd thing it has subsided much ever since, so should be able to continue wif my course. though initially i thot a operation was required at singapore national eye centre, but gd thing the doctor indicated otherwise... oh yeah, did went to find muggerpok for lunch b4 going to SNEC, and ended up helping to alleviate "pissed-off-ness".
sneaked out on friday wif my cousins for movie n dinner, otherwise it was another day in a bored NS guy's life.
saturday, was grandia 3 day, clocking about 6 hours of play time along wif another movie wif my brother. korean movies are really nice to watch.
today was hopefully be a highly enjoyable day. morning, enjoyed chatting wif jiajia n tsai at cafe cartel's. apparently they serve breakfast rite on weekends morning. after that, met fang for lunch and attempted to buy a polo tee for book in n out purposes but to no avail.
evidently, i'm feeling a very bad combination of emotions now. vex, restless and pensive. it could be partially be attributed to book-in blues, but i'm quite sure of the major reason(s).
i have this bone stuck in my thoart, and till i spit it out, it would bug me.
at first, was hoping that this wouldn't be the manner i ultilise, but oh well...
though i may act it and i try and hope that i wont be as affected by u as in the past, but it's the truth that i'm still largely affected by u. back on cursed tekong, sometimes the only way i slp comfortably was by hearing ur voice, no matter how little of it. though now, it isn't as bad but still i did wish i hear it once in awhile. no doubt i've gotten pass the horrible early days of BMT, wif much much help from u. that i cant thank you enuff for, but if one manner of appreciation is to allow the relation to degenerate to a state where we cant barely string ten lines of consecutive conversation, then i shall resign to it. yet i believe it isn't, don't u?
as i look down on my horribly expensive steak n salmon, i was busy searching for a topic to talk about and hoping that you would find one as well. i've much to tell u, for u r the very very few whom i can really talk wif. pardon me if i'm mistaken, though u sit physically directly opposite me yet i somehow feel that ur mind is wondering else where. it makes me very very distressed and sad.
maybe the aimless wandering made it impossible, but was sitting down was an option?
the irony of it, though i very much wanted to have the honour of ur company for a much longer time, but wat good would it do had the silence just dragged on? nonchalant i may seem to go home, but i did wish much it wouldnt have turn out as such.
is it me being over-reacting or over-demanding of u again? to request that u could listen to me? to at least ask about how i've been? i know it's not in ur nature for u to share, and that i respect, but still a little tiny detail here and there would suffice?
how i wish we were back in HC. where things were much more comfortable, to say the least. back then, i knew i had a listening ear if i needed one, a ear that was recpetive and soothing.
then again had i made it impossible to return to such a situation? or was it too much to ask again?
as my pond of frens evapourate by the day, as i find less and less people that i can comfortably message/talk to, and as i look on in despair at the increasing amount of people whom would just disregard me just like any another, u're one of very last that i pray would do so.
come to think of it, i wonder whether u would see this. whether would u at least tell me a little bit about how u feel on this matter. and i do hope u would, for u're the only very few that make me really smile myself to slp.
nevertheless, hope is the only thing i have left to afford, other than the tears in my heart and the forced smile that i wear.
Sculpted@7:29 pm
