6.12.2007
Being unable to do what i truly want.
On the surface level, it does happen everyday. so much so that it numbs us sometimes.
however in recent times, the enormity of the emotion of being halted in my tracks from doing what i want overwhelmed me. there seems to be many forms of large blockades on the path leading between the heart and mind.
be it work commitments, financial constrains or social conformity, the feeling of being oppressed by something external sucks, really really sucks. literally, it's like a vacuum that drains one out totally, much like a merciless vampire.
i wanted to go the birthday party, i wanted to go play Dota at the lanshop, i want to go learn tennis, i want to go for all these courses, i wanted to reprise my role in the midfield.
well, one could indeed "shoot" me saying that i should be happy as my basic needs are sastified as compared to refuges, etc. to that, i dont have any rebuttals.
but what really ticks me off, are the activities that i'm doing instead. or should i say, the total lack of "activity" activities. the absolute lack of proper reason and aim are simply the icings on the cake.
maybe i'm oblivious towards the reasons, and i'm just a selfish little prat that cant see past his own perspective. and also that i'm the only guy involved in NDP that feels so.
boarden your mind! look forward towards THE much anticipated celebration of the state birthday! look at your brilliant and indispensible role of spotting people to faint and fall flat! never mind the numerous accompanying trainers and chaperons! ignore their role of taking care of the contigents! for without the spotter of fainters, the whole NDP cannot function!
Isn't NDP just such an apt allocation of manpower?
Sculpted@1:49 am
