365 days, 52 weeks, One year.
That's how long it has been since i got my driving license :D

NO MORE P-PLATE!
(though i haven't bothered for the past 6 odd months. oops :X )

i'm getting over-stretched. please teach me how to say no without guilt.

"What makes you cry?" For those that know the answers, :) .

Sculpted@1:04 am

I should get an Oscar for putting up such a fabulous show of nonchalance and ignorance. Then again, sometimes i think am i just creating a drama out of nothing, where in actual fact, there wasn't anything to begin with? Yet, when the emotions hit home, i know that is real. and i still do wanna care, but i can't, i won't and i will try not to.

I shouldn't depend on you two so much, but i can't help it. i really do hope it ain't too much of a burden. Am at a lost to express appreciation and gratitude. I hope you two are doing fine yourself as well, not in terms of academics but in all other areas as well :)
I do wanna share about it with others but more often that not, all i need is just an empathic ear ONLY, which seems to be in short supply.

Settlers outing wasn't as successful as i hoped it would be. considering the vast and constant variance in number of people, and those asking for directions, it was one hectic to juggle both sides. though people might pay lip service, but from the actions and atmosphere, it is apparent. at least the cake was nice, and i hope it did end on a neutrally pleasant enough note for all.

Sculpted@1:26 am

just had a showdown of sorts with my management at work today. didn't get what we want at all, only got a talking off in return. in short, it was a valiant attempt, but oh wells :(
but actually, the management implanted quite an interesting idea of going back to them for work during my uni break. considering that it's in the operations side, i might get to learn a thing or two with an internship there. what's more i'm taking a biz degree... hrmm... ?

on the brighter side, we got our contract extended till 16th may. so that means i will kinda work the longest possible before i fly to europe. not to mention all the leisure surfing i get to enjoy at work, so it ain't that bad :X
besides, i need all the dough i can get. and to save it up as well, for uni expenses, as mentioned before.

was planning to regurgitate all the swirls and whirls in my mind these past few days, but i have decided to held back and keep it short. i should really go with the flow, as my mum would always say. and more importantly, to stop trying so hard. but it's a lot easier said than done. i should not have commit, and pulling back is so much harder than i ever want to admit. but in some sense, i do hope it's really working. yet in those aplenty moments of weakness, it comes back to haunt. every little things and actions, which have so profoundly affected me, lingers on everywhere.

i take too much notice and take much unnecessary heed of things/words. but i can't really help it. i can't shut out and ignore. to pretend not to see?

it's time to cool off, to chew slowly and to let go.

Sculpted@11:52 pm

just back from my very virgin attempt at table topics contest. i must say, didn't really feel anything special when i was stage. other than the expected phase of being nervous before going on stage, it was normal. though i felt that i could have craft a better story with a more powerful ending? oh wells, valuable performance and i felt it was good exposure :)

oh yes, gotta talk a bit about job satisfaction.
today, my colleague got pawned some queer soursop candy she brought herself. i'm so glad i didn't eat those candies. anyways, she had severe stomach discomfort and took MC. which end up me getting thrown to do the arrangement of operations for the following day.

it's a perm staff job, and the management has been bitching about a temp cannot do it, coz of lack of responsibility and blah blah blah. "Kenneth cannot go on auto-pilot" is quite the famous phrase, coz temps are supposed to be kept away from those responsibilities. but guess wat, with my colleague taking MC = i do.

so had an extreme day with the phone ringing non-stop. it was really put down and ring immediately. i think i gonna have shoulder ache soon, for pincering the phone btw my head n my left shoulder.

but at the end of the day, it felt really good. good that i could take the task at hand and complete it. good that i really felt it was a job well done, considering that it was totally un-guided and the doctors were pulling a lot of stunts. multi-tasking seamlessly also felt very possible. in some sense, it was like a heightened sense of alertness and concentration throughout the busy period to get the list sorted out.

to sum it up, job satisfaction achieved!

Sculpted@1:17 am

finally a much needed day to rest and more importantly, to relax at home and do nothing productive.

had a sudden realisation that i need to save up some cash. i kinda plan to hit 2 exchange trips, summer terms and personal holidays during my uni years. but i'm still at a lost of figuring out the source of income for all that. hopefully i won't need to cut down, but guess that's quite impossible :(
and the "excellent" thing is my upcoming trip to europe won't be aiding my financial cause at all :(

was stuck at this point. was drifting off, doing random stuff, such as filing my nails, fast-forwarding through my song list and just realising that i'm using the in-built sound card for my comp.
crap. makes my favourite song sounds so mild. ah wells. hopefully i can inherit my bro's laptop and his imba comp when he starts work. according to him, he doesn't really need it, and his company should provide him with one. *crosses my finger*

Sculpted@8:59 pm

from psyduck's feedback, i realised i need to clarify what does PT means. it means part-time, a very far difference from what psyduck though eh?

but though i seriously think that i have made a mistake again with respect to the PT list. a very common mistake made by me. that is to count my chickens before they hatch.

Sculpted@11:59 pm

dinner ++++ with floor ball babe ytd night :)
it was simply wonderful :)
seriously, lost count of the things talked about, and yet i feel that more could be said. really enjoyed the company and time spent, QT's the top of our lists after all.
on a side note, thankfully she didn't crash the car :X
and i'm still waiting for my hot chocolate.

i'm kinda still reeling from the talk on thursday. many more thoughts/factors/considerations on relationships to iron out, and ytd night also had its fair share of inputs. i guess i'm only an average thinker in that sense, need to take some time to process all the stuff, if i do eventually get it at all.

i feel that there's a lot to discover and to learn about people. unfortunately, i'm not intuitively inclined towards it. have been artificially learning it and internalising it. hopefully, it be instinctive eventually. though the results are significant, yet there is always still room.

i'm pissed, but i would get over it and i have to sever my addiction.

Sculpted@7:35 pm

Somehow i suddenly realised i got spare time for myself. I was definitely at an initial loss of what to do, as i have always liked to plan and prepare. this sudden zone of own time seemed so much of a shock, that i'm still slightly reeling from it. gonna take a bath after this, to work out what to do.

met up with jiajia ytd night.
i am simply too lost at words, to coherent illustrate what we talked about. or maybe to some sense, she telling me. in some egoistic manner, i really do hope that it wasn't that one way for her. but it can be more of the 2 way communication, that i have always been looking out for in all others as well.

the key take away has got to be the assurances. the assurance that it wasn't me over-formulating things in other scenarios. the assurance that things would definitely turn for the better, as i have gradually seen for myself as well. the assurance that i would be understood. though initially terrified and shocked by that, but the comfort underneath is insane.
and though i would never be as analytical or sharp, but that's not in any way some form of measurement.

there gotta be reasons why you are #0, right? :)

Sculpted@5:07 pm

boring days at work are back again.
surviving barely through the internet and msn.
can't help but to take all those breaks to read up and pass time.
thankfully, yet unfortunately, the job pays well enough to keep me there :S

talking/communicating with the few of you makes me feel so much better, and in fact, so much more wholesome. i can indeed feel that sense of elation and happiness.

but leaving the convo so high and dry has become quite the trademark of yours, but the frustration is undeniably present. you may have your reasons, but i'm too tired to feel despair, too drained to feel anything. it's simply just a case of whatever and yet when you do complete things, it leaves me yearning for more.
i can only but detach and letting it go, as the power lies only in your hands. didn't know feeling so powerless could be so much of an adventure in itself.

Sculpted@12:07 am

finally made the bespoke shirt, after running so many trips to the shop. Am very appreciative of the effort and time you spend to come down and help out :)
Just running my daily marathon alone is starting to take its toll on me again. Put it simply, I had fun :) but physical fatigue did dampen the mood a little? :(
And oh yeah, i think i said quite a few thoughtless things today. especially about ladies my age and blah blah blah. Pondering over it, i think i should really eat my words back

Extended my NUH contract to end April today. Back when i started the job, I was thinking of the job being just a stop-gap measure, before i eventually move on and find a "nicer" job. But guess what, it's been 4.5 months now and still counting, as if all the gradual one month, one month extensions did really add up. On the very least, it gives good dough and allows quite some time to slack on the job :p

Now for some slightly late add-ons. Last saturday, was poker day. or more like get-pawned-by-poker-sharks day. blah, one single bad move, arising from stubbornness and pride = early kick-out of tourney. However, i got to admit the atmosphere and the way the others played were quite an eye-opener. Could feel a slight tinge of what's it like to be in a casino. I definitely got tempted to see what's a real casino like :X
Dinner with floorball babe was excellent :) the very long walkkkkkkkkk was definitely worth it and patience in the restaurant was well rewarded, in my opinion?
Think you should have enjoyed it ya?

On a last note, I am gradually aware that there's much more to learn from you people. There is a lot more beneath, and to a large extent, it awes but scares me. Not that it's gonna stop me from trying though.

Sculpted@11:22 pm

PT #0 -- Ellis, Recently longhair babe.
PT #1 -- Gwen, Svelte Legs babe
PT #2 -- Kesh, Floor Ball babe.

Damm, i don't really like to lie sometimes. HAHA :X

Okay, total random, and with no malicious intent.
Shoot me if need be :(

edit : PT = Part-time.

Sculpted@12:12 am

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Quality Time

with a secondary love language being
Acts of Service.

Quality Time:		12
Acts of Service:		6
Physical Touch:		6
Words of Affirmation:		4
Receiving Gifts:		2

Take the quiz

I have always wanted to read the book. but with this quiz, it makes it all the clearer. Thinking back about the past, many things are suddenly making sense.
And yes, QT tops my list very obviously. Will blog more extensively about these soon, after reading the book.

Sculpted@10:15 pm

My 200th post. Milestone of the poignant times.

I intentionally wanted NOT to be online last night, thus breaking the trial of blogging daily. Was in a very lousy mood for a very lousy day. Thankfully, spent time with my cousins to share and stuff. It was a great form of distraction, which kept me tethering on the border of sanity.

Gotta thank fatbean for inviting me to her PAR-TEH! Hoped she had fun!
And meanwhile let me stress over finalizing her the card, which i have been several ideas for, but just cant seem to decide which one is the best. Troublesome (but definitely worthwhile) thing to do for a truly little miss troublesome :X

Watched Juno today with the 2 evil conniving pros today. Am appreciative for the Popcorn treat from the khaki barbarian, but seems that only a certain someone can have her all the salt she wants, but yet, i can't eh?
Unfortunately, couldn't catch half of the wit/humour. and sometimes i pride myself of understanding movies quickly and deeply, but i gotta say, i'm totally defeated by the movie. it showcased a lot more than i could absorb, and yeah, am still pondering over certain things about the movie.

And i'm just suddenly too glad for any words to describe :D

Sculpted@11:29 pm

a familiar scenario once again.
tired + thinking about what to blog + self censorship = cant decide what to blog.

went to soccer with uncle today. hopefully it would revive the regime of weekly sat afternoon soccer. am really looking forward to it this time round, as there seem to be some form of direction and drive for the team. they were talk of joining tournament and stuff. people seemed rather serious today, and there were much review of the match.
come to think of it, my place isn't even safe. gotta do some fitness training and be up to par, and truly display the potential i am capable of.

Sculpted@11:43 pm

i don't know what else to put up on this space.

too much have been said.
too much left unsaid.

thank you once again.

Sculpted@10:11 pm

watched the leap year today.
could really identify with the 3 guys in the movie.
in some sense, it was poignant to me.
thanks for the company for the movie and dinner :)

hopefully, after today's climax, it will signify an end of a highly emotional several days.
A very BIG Thank you to my brother, jiajia, sperman, ise and kesh. You guys really did make the difference.

so many of my crucial firsts been whisked away, that i have lost count. i need the space and time to recover, and just see where would this go on to.

Sculpted@1:52 am

thank you for letting me share.
and thanks for sharing as well.
I still have plenty to learn from you.

i think i have said what i wanted to say :)
even maybe a little more than i should?

Congrats to being aware.
but please take whatever said in a positive light.
don't self-reproach ya? :)

On the other hand, i still have my own insecurities. In some sense, you have soothed it. but i guess it's just one of those thing that i have to accept it, even though i don't want it to happen.

and oh yar, slap me lor. i still will stare :D

Sculpted@3:04 am

Push the car? Nope, you can't.
Handle the clutch, accelerator and ignition? Definitely you can :)

I'm so glad you took the whole incident in a positive light, not many others would be able to do so. it really eased the pressure off me, and thankfully, we remedied the situation quite quickly.

I won't forget this and what you said, in a hurry :)

Sculpted@3:15 am

hat trick entry of the day.

Thanks, jiajia, as always :)
I hope i won't need to press the emergency button anytime soon again.

Scholarship-wise, i tried my best. Mr. Ise better get ready for a big treat on his part.

Second problem wise, will enjoy the journey of ceding control.

Sculpted@3:33 pm

Down.
That's the feeling now.

No scholarship call yet. They say that by Friday, calls would be made. Well, Mr. Ise has gotten a ring from there today already, yet my phone is still silent. It would be real nice, if both of us could make it to the programme itself. But, yeah, i just need to release some frustration and disappointment and take some time to recover.

Maybe it's the sense of unjustified perception that i lack the potential and ability to be good enough for it, that pisses me off. Or maybe i'm just being an arrogant prick.

Sculpted@1:41 pm

A thousand possibilities running through my brain, yet none satisfactory. no where near in fact.
Summing up my talk with Mr. Ise today, always yield to temptation and not to have expectation. I really wish i can do that. How not to develop attachment? How not to but to think constantly about?
Gotta Thank Ise for that, it really did strike a very resonating chord.

Cleared the final hurdle for the LKCSP. Now i can only wait for the results, that would be in this weekend. Though they say the odds are high and stuff like that, but one can't help to worry. For it, I really did speak from the bottom of my heart. No fluff. Crossing my fingers and hoping for the best be my only option.

Would that one dota game be one that i would come to regret deeply?
And i can't really read on, even though i want to. If there's one time to be blind, it's now.

Sculpted@1:10 am

Am very very tired, but no doubt rather pleased. Spent a whole day, before finally making bookings for the european trip. i think all parties have compromised on things here and there. and unfortunate for those gossipers, there will be no juicy listing what happened. but to sum it all out, there be 4 of us going all together, and we'll all definitely be having fun fun :)

supper was fabulous, considering that i got a nice treat for it as well :)
but when we strike big sweep, all these petty little cash won't really matter already, right? :D
looks like i just got some financing of my euro trip from singapore pools!

in many sense, it's real enjoyable and fun talking with you. Most importantly, it is comfortable :)

Sculpted@2:04 am

Now i truly understand why people loveeeeeeeeee facials!

The word to sum the whole experience up is "lazy".
Lazy as in the form of laziness that one experiences when struggling to climb out of bed on a misty morning. Temptation to snuggle back in would be rife and hitting that all-important snooze button is a must.
I don't think i can find any words to sufficiently and accurately convey the intended con flux of emotions :)

On a different note. There's a niggling little voice at the back of my brain that tells me to guard. How much attention I should pay attention ( if at all) to it, I don't know. As of what i feel now, such little redundant voices are the by-product of certain values of mistrust inoculated from young. Damm.

Nevertheless, am very very appreciative and grateful to my personal shopper/facial therapist :)

Invest in yourself.
Narcissistic? Nope.
Self-indulgence? Definitely.

Sculpted@3:50 am

Due to harsh but well-intended (i hope) criticism about the poor level of my english, i have once again been "requested" by Mr. Ise and Mr. Sperm to brush up on the standard of my entries.

We were at the NATAS travel fair today, where the great Mr. Ise had to sacrifice precious time away from his much beloved. This confounded my belief that he was hen-pecked. GOOD JOB, ISE!
Feeling highly optimistic and entrepreneurial, Mr. Ise devised to re-sell admission tickets for profits to those that were deterred by the insanely long queue. So with a bit of cutting queue trickery and much glib, we earned ourselves a grand profit of ONE DOLLAR!!!! YAY to that!

moving on to talk about more serious stuff, we did much information gathering. and this would hopefully lead to a concrete plan, which would carry us through the 20 odd days in europe. though i must admit, we stayed slightly long than necessary at the contiki booth and i wonder why. hrmm? :D

break week is coming up! however, it's starting to filled up with activities already. hopefully, i be able to do my intended cleaning up. and more importantly, to meet up with J & J.

before i sleep, i got to mention how incredulous ladies are. Actually, just a particular one. You know who you are, and your occupational hazard might be getting to you. Seeing the shrek picture and knowing about the no make-up part was just simply too hilarious to contain. HAHAHAHA.

Sculpted@12:36 am