i can't help but to freak out a little.
i don't really know why so.
but i really do appreciate the honesty.

*self-sensorship rocks*

all i can hope for is white piece of paper with some black dots.

Sculpted@4:43 pm

recently, my one and only DEAREST brother has been blogging actively.

http://ivan-oh.blogspot.com/

here his blog address, and the latest article is really rofl. kept my day at office light-hearted. more pls, bro :)

oh yes, i just recently realised how tired i am. am looking very forward to resting and actually. maybe the prospect and idea of a quiet place is really tempting me. i was rather too quick to expect, but i still believe my points are valid. thank you for taking heed nevertheless.

and omg. i really like talking to one of the nurse clinician at my work place. i'm starting to really believe in pple having affinity with each other. it felt all so comfortable talking to her, i can hear the "click" that rings so loudly in my ear lor. think she could hear it too :X
and she be in london at the same time as me, coz of some clinical attachment. hrmm, still can't believe it. and oh yeah, just to quell any doubts, she started nursing before i was born.

Sculpted@1:09 am

Take a break.
Have a Kit-kat :)

Learning the importance of looking before leaping.
and learning having to deal with the consequences.

i'm still figuring and learning as i had to come to terms with my realisations and shortcomings as well.

Sculpted@11:24 pm

thank god for #0 and #1.
it was a big difference. VERY BIG.

i would need to calm down and give it my best shot.

i ask this of you other guys, pls don't judge or criticize with a biased eye. and i'll be more than grateful, if u could support.

Sculpted@12:52 am

i think i just found a daughter and elder sister rolled up in one :X

but i'm very relieved that i got that big burden off, and things have improved instead of a highly possible decline. thankful for my cousin's advice. hrmm.
we'll help each other along the way as we share and aid :)
and yes, u n ur scary instincts and wavering ways.

P.S. don't anyhow cut n chop, though that's ur specialty.

on another note, we'll work it out as we go along.

Sculpted@11:49 pm

I overlook the small things, but concentrate on the big picture.

It's a journey of exploration and understanding, as we go along.

And the feeling is still taking its time to sink in.

Sculpted@1:00 am

what do i want? i really don't know how to answer that.

dragging along all my years of emotional baggage, hope it would not over-burden you with my concerns and worries. then again, i have to hear yours as well.

discretions. decisions. dilemma.

Sculpted@1:25 am

cant believe it, it's been a week since i last blogged.
7 days just zoomed past.

the only thing that is consistent throughout is the severe lack of sleep. i think I'm averaging 5 hours at best and the toil it's taking on me is starting to show. was falling totally asleep while standing on my way back from work.

though in the past week, i have been exposed to a new but intriguing aspect of life, which i have jumped head first into. on hind sight, it could have been wiser to take a breather and consider my financial situation. but that's too late already.

i really want to trust in the altruism of people, but it is really very challenging to believe in the absence of vested interest. then again, i can't decipher out any possible avenue of exploitation. will attempt to figure out more. i really hope i am just being narrow-minded and unable to see/believe things.

movie, movie, salsa, speech, dinner, work, tuitionssssssssssss.
having a hectic week up ahead, and have to purposefully block out weekend time to sort out all the personal stuff that has inadvertently piled up since my ORD days. time to procrastinate on procrastination.

Sculpted@9:55 pm

i should be sleeping right now, but then again, i procrastinate. yes, even i procrastinate my sleeping time, if that does makes sense.

anyways, this little entry today is about 1-2-3 ,4-5-6 .
it's not some kinda of code, but the salsa count beats. despite having learn music and piano back in the way way past, i still had quite a hard time listening out for the starting double beat to initiate the dance. damm, if only the BOOM-BOOM was as clear as it was, back in my NS parade marching days :\

speaking of starting the dance, that itself is the biggest reward and learning point of the day. it has reinforced to me some devious concepts i read up on in the past, and to use it in a right manner pleases me. thankfully, i had a good dance partner at the very precise moment that provided valuable feedback and "enlightenment". and being the superficial bugger that i am, obviously she was pretty as well.

having said that, there was an even prettier girl but truly was rather klutzy about it and it wasn't THAT fun. hrmm :\

Sculpted@1:01 am

there is a gradual but growing feeling which i can't pin-point.
is it an avid sense of dissatisfaction or is it more like the feeling of being unappreciated?

pondering over, i guess i found the answer to it. but then again, if i will probably get slammed for getting my expectations wrong again. though in some sense, it's all about giving w/o expecting to return, but i'm very much human. that makes it increasingly difficult to do as such.

being busy is relative. i admit that i use it as a shield sparsely as well, but when it's abused by others once too many times, it does get exceedingly sickening and makes one questions things. makes me wonder was all that from previous times a bunch of superficial lies. or maybe just different priority eh.

loud voices and lame excuses are a daily source of alarm that breaks the tranquility of the night. it makes me wonder is obstinateness the most capable thing he is capable of, and maybe in 30+ years time, i be similar. though i very much hope not.

i definitely need to rest more :\

Sculpted@11:57 pm

hrmm. today's shift at settlers was rather interesting.

what should i talk about?
the loud ping-ing of my gay-dar, the asking of contact number, the all so standard excess shows or the little lessons of subtlety?

i think sleep's the best for now.

Sculpted@3:04 am

scholarship applications.
argh, after procrastination for so long, i finally getting it done.
somehow, for something of so much value and significance, i still like to drag it out till near the last possible moment. something for me to ponder and improve on.

thankfully, i'm very much not like that for the euro trip. been reading up random websites, books and guides (due to abundance of free time at work). yet the more i read, the more i feel that there's much to be known for the trip. itinerary, customs, travel routes, cuisine etc. and not to mention, the topdeck tour isn't shaping up to be what i thought it would be. shall just cross my fingers then.
maybe i should have just contiki-ed, especially so should have signed up with stevia :(

Sculpted@10:28 pm

had a pleasant and comforting talk with the nowadays "rarely" seen Ise and to update each other. busy busy busy, with our own different things, we all are.

oh. and why didn't the uber hot Caucasian lady sign up for salsa course as well?? :( :(
smooth skin ftw :( :(

Sculpted@12:28 am