Well well, I don't know why I am so eager to blog these few days in London. Considering that I'm much more tired and there are more things to do than usual, less sleep and etc, yet here I am again. More over, I'm reluctant to blog anything specifically about the trip, just maybe to mention where I'm at now (London, still) and where I'm going next (Paris, in this case).

Always make it a point to read 2 different blogs every time I get to use the net. Hrmm, somehow these 2 just matters to me, to find out how they are, even being 3924092302384 miles away. Thankfully, these 2 are very often updated. Then again, it could be I'm just still clinging on to something familiar, so that I won't totally forget. Just to feel something. Comfort zone maintenance eh?

Oh yes, gloomy wet London.

Sculpted@7:48 am

Another day in the United Kingdom has passed.
Walking is really the most unexpected thing I have been doing. I ain't saying the tube/rail system is inefficient, but it is only through walking where one can really access and soak in the atmosphere of the city and sights.

The weather has been very generous to us the past few days, with no rain, gentle breeze and good dosages of sunlight throughout the day. Was able to visit the various places that was planned out and things ran out smoothly. Am very relieved that stay in London is really very wonderful, with a lot of aid and assistance rendered. Even a scenic sub-urban London house to chill-pill in, though we rarely spent time in it. Am very grateful for all that :)

Not say that everything was sastifactory, but there's plenty to look on for in the positives than negatives.

One last day in London, before moving on to other parts of western europe, where the tour will start, and probably internet connection would much more of a scarcity than now. so till when i can find the chance to blog again, tata :)

Sculpted@9:08 am

Hello people.
Yes, I am safely in London. If you were expecting a more hyped up post, I guess disappointment would probably be what you guys would get?
Not that London ain't fun or what. In fact, the trip so far has been a real experience, in terms of travelling and exploring. That's why I'm so tired out, in many ways. But it's definitely a very big learning lesson thus far, discovering a few things within myself, which I never thought possible. But, WOW! :)

I love my blog. Can release and forget, waiting for me to re-visit when I'm ready to tackle. Hometown worries about a few people seem to be not that far away after all. But oh wells, I have my choices and done the best I can within my means here. I hope they be good :)

There, it feels better already :)
Anyways, please SMS me if anything. I would love to know about anything or just a simple one-off sms would be nice :) But replying would have to be delayed and through probably internet sms/email/facebook. Cheers~

Sculpted@6:34 am

Off to Europe!
Gosh, rushing about, still on the very last day.

Was around NUH today, all the happy and smiley faces made all the effort worth it. What's more i got 2 kisses. Woohoo :)

And yes, I'm going to miss this place and more importantly, the people :(

Be back in 22 days!

Sculpted@5:27 pm

Oh my, I'm still reeling from the various possibly implications.
But, I'm truly smiling once again.
No more little voice. Yay!

Sculpted@12:53 am

The Scorpio's intensity has passed. He's smiling now.
I realize it does empower some, yet engulf others.

Am learning to tame and channel the fire within, to serve and to help. Any help or advice would be welcomed :)

Fire is a terrible master but wonderful servant.
Let me attempt to appreciate & to inculcate that from now on.
The fire that warms the house, when it's cold.
The flame that cooks food for the table.
The light that brighten things up when it's dark.

Maybe, all along in my life, i was never meant to be in charge. never to be the top and up there kinda guy. never meant to be always right. yet, ego n pride always made me push myself there, forming walls and closing doors. and causing so so much damage in the trailing blaze. gosh. i just hope it would not cause anymore mayhem.

Allow me to go learn to play the fiddle. The second one.
It should something similar to the double bass, i hope? :X

Sculpted@11:24 pm

let me verbalise my emotions that's overflooding me right now.

i know i should be packing, should be organising, should be feeling all so hyped up by my euro trip. but much as i thought i was okay, thought that i was feeling good, much as i thought i was getting along with life. the truth is, i ain't.

i don't give a shit anymore about pride, about my ego.

I still miss you.

after all these days of looking around confused and tired, banging against walls, and crying out even. soothing myself, i thought, has finally succeeded. until i read.
i really don't know what's going through for you, but i can feel it. i just hope to be there to alleviate. it's not that i don't care, but my fragile heart and minute confidence just cant take no more frost blast from you, cant take anything to complete its decimation.

but somehow, deep inside, this always inspires me.

Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snow
Lies the seed that with the sun's love
In the spring becomes the flower...

thanks, for supporting me. i pay you back with slaps :D

-edit-
i have no explanations for this post anymore.
then again, there was not any in the first place.

Sculpted@4:48 pm

16th May.

Left NUH after 6 months of bitching, complaining, slogging.
6 months filled with working, slacking, learning.
Most importantly, 6 months of preciously good memories :)
All those daily bickerings, daily talk cock and daily bantering :)

I love hanging on to memories. Keys to memories as well. Somehow it always feel good to know that they are, though I have never seriously re-read any of my stored stuff. I just feel good to know that they are. like a base to sit on. I though about it being smtg that i cannot let go, but it is not as such. But more of something for me to re-live through, something to remember, something to make me smile again :)

ah yes, now let me get a bit mushy.
i'm feeling loved :)

All those sms-es, especially those surprise ones. woohoo :) those that showed that you care, those that showed you remember, those that share and those that encourage.
I'm tempted to show them off, but i shall rein my temptation in. Except for my uncle's.

Ken : So is there space for me to play (soccer) tml?
Uncle : They want you to play... You special one...

That put a damm bloody big smile on my face :D

All those pple that bothered to spend time with me, just for me to selfishly distract myself. thank you.

That gift of a watch. So timely and so well though-out of. Thank you!

And yes of course, dearie for me to cry out on, for me to realise and release. thank you :)

of coz, there's my favourite O&G "sister" :) that hug u initiated meant so much :)
I once said "for you, on call lor". i don't know what i can offer back, but i shall try :)

Sculpted@11:59 pm

I cope with things via expressing them out.

That's one thing I realised.

When I do, I just need a comforting listening ear, if it is not too much to ask for.
Words of comfort would be nice.
Touches of comfort would be invaluable.

I got to drop my ego and learn to stop bluffing myself.
I am getting better.
Though the occasional invasions will attempt to wreck havoc for awhile, but yeah, am dealing with them, whenever and in whichever manner they come.

Sculpted@11:30 am

With a deflated buoy (ego), fighting a losing battle against the sinking, yet desperately pulling on all those ropes I could reach. I just hope I haven't pull them too hard, to pull them past the breaking point. All the more I am grateful for there being ropes.

Now, I have found back the planks and debris floating about, which had always been in my sight. It's about time that I reach out to these solids and build my raft upon, to stay afloat first again.

The root problem was so hidden, yet so evident at every corner at the same time.

Thanks Mum :)
Your love is very much valued and appreciated.

I will try again.

(Though I felt a tinge of uneasy that subsided almost as soon as it arises, after reading. That will be zoned down with time.)

Sculpted@2:34 am

We have said our piece and I understood. Especially after the slappings last night and the talk this afternoon. Albeit too late, even though I kept my fingers crossed that it was not.

Guys really do cherish things only when they are gone, even though I prayed that it was not gone. And I know understand the true worth and value of a second chance. And even more so now, the need of never having to ask for a second chance.

I thought I tried my best, only to see my very own severe inadequacies.
Gosh, Kenneth. So feeble.
Growing up and Reflection time.

I'm still sad and reeling.
But I have transited some, yet still am transiting as well.
All the support and listening ears you people gave are truly enormous.
BIG thank you to you guys.

But truly, the biggest thank you goes to you.
Let's see how time or etc moves it on.

Sculpted@7:37 pm

All that anger, disappointment and expectations flushed out by tears.

I never thought i was so arrogant, so egoistic and so unbelievably proud.
yet the truth hurts when i look into the mirror.

I never felt more vulnerable. the hurt is still there.

I'm sorry. And I really hope it's not too late.

I miss you.

Sculpted@9:47 pm

I can't believe that i was actually camping to see each and every msn alert. And I can't believe that I scrambled to the hand phone each time it rings/beeps. All these just hoping to see a familiar icon or number.

But I did. Still am.

Plenty of hurtful accusations to hurl and to get but all I really want to say is :
It's your call.
Figuratively and Literally and what-so-ever-ally.
Though I hope that you have not made it already.

I don't remember tendering my resignation to the roller coaster ride nor the waiting and exploration of the pink cave.

Sculpted@9:15 pm

I'm getting burnt out, faster than I ever can imagine it possible.

So many things I want to do, yet competition for time is tough.

Was talking about Amsterdam itinerary which i planned to my brother yesterday. In brief, whatever I have thought to be good to do there, was far off from my brother's recommendation. I can't help but feel a bit sian, after all the effort I have put through to look up info and stuff, only for it to be left realising that it was unfortunately lacking.
But taking it on a positive light, i shall dig my bro for more info.

yet, the roller-coaster ride i signed up for is extracting its small but steadily growing toll on me...

Sculpted@5:24 pm

bored at work once again.
was looking at my schedue till europe trip starts. and realised that it's packed right till departure. and there's one guilty party causing that. tsk tsk. ha.

uni term is over, time to meet up. they know who they are. but probably after my whirlwind trip in europe. amazingly, can't feel any sense of excitement yet for the trip. probably, it's the daily grind of work that dulls it out. i think once i'm off with NUH, then i would be lot more energetic to feel as such. but till then... ...

Sculpted@11:46 am

2 more weeks before the end of NUH. hrmm, kinda missing that place, all that teasing banter btw the sisters. oh well, it be quite a dream holiday after that. though 3 weeks seem to be quite a long time away from ... ... :(

things are excellent and getting better. i'm starting to feel and give more than i ever could imagine, and it's been a revelation. just smiling silly to myself now. lalala~ :X

things have been going on very quickly and packed. tuition rate has been increased due to the pending mid-years and that has taken quite a toll. am immersed quite deeply in many things and i was up for air yesterday night. it did help me put things in a few perspective and i'm grateful for that. shall have to keep those things in mind :)

Sculpted@11:57 pm